Fandom: The Pee-Wee Herman Show, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Pee-Wee's Playhouse
Pairings: Pee-Wee/Miss Yvonne, Captain Carl/Dixie
Genre: Historical Comedic Fairytale Parody with Vampires
Summary: Pee-Wee Herman's I-Love-That-Story Fairytale Theatre presents a wacky tale of a court jester who falls in love with a beautiful princess.
Disclaimer: Yeah, I totally got Paul Reubens permission to write this clearly unauthorized fan-fiction and if you believe that, I have some lovely ocean-front property in Tennessee to sell you.
NOTE: Contains historical characters, but little to no historical accuracy, so don't bother me with corrections. I've done the research and am purposly using artistic licences.
Please leave any reviews HERE
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lived a princess who was pretty but not beautiful. Don't get me wrong, she was beautiful, but something was missing so she was known as "Princess Yvonne the pretty-but-not-beautiful". This worried her parents as the kingdom was in the midst of an economic crisis and the princess, being their only child, was their only hope of saving the royal family from bankruptcy by marrying some rich and handsome prince who couldn't even come close to deserving her.
Also in this kingdom, there lived amongst the common folk a handsome, gallant young boy who wasn't rich but had a heart of gold worth more than three kingdoms combined. Being an orphan, he had no idea of his family background or his real name, but because of his impish nature, he earned the name "Pee-Wee" from his fellow citizens.
Anyway, word of the pretty-but-not-beautiful princess reached the ears of the boy. This greatly confused the boy. What could possibly be missing from a princess that her parents couldn't simply buy for her? He was so confused that he climbed the castle walls to get a look at the princess and see for himself.
Staring down from the top of the wall, he immediately noticed her lovely fire-red hair and striking blue eyes which complemented her fine clothes, "There's no question that she's pretty, but alas, the rumors are true. There's something missing. But what is---AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" *ahem* the boy, lost in thought had a great fall straight into the shrubberies below.
At the sight of the boy tangled in branches, the princess did something she had never done before; she burst out laughing. Horrified that she took pleasure in the boys pain she covered her mouth in embarrassment. But the boy would have none of it. "No, please do not hide your face from me, Princess Yvonne! Seeing a smile as beautiful as yours relieves me of my pain."
The princess was flattered but a bit taken aback. "Surely you jest, Boy. For many have said that I am pretty, but not beautiful."
"Anyone who says that has never seen you smile. For when I saw you from the wall above, I saw you were pretty, but when you smiled I saw that you were the truly the most beautiful girl in all the kingdom." And so it was that the boy had discovered what was missing from the princess. The King and Queen were so grateful, that they hired the boy to be their daughter's personal jester. Now some might say this would have been a humiliation to the boy, but he loved his Princess Yvonne so much that nothing was too degrading to make her smile. And the princess, overwhelmed with happiness, loved her jester Pee-Wee more than any stupid prince. It was now impossible for anyone to not notice her.
It didn't take long for news of the princesses new-found beauty spread like wildfire. Kings and Princes frequently visited to discuss marriage negotiations, but the King, fond of his only child, always found something wrong with every suitor. "A perfect princess must be matched with a perfect prince," he said.
I wasn't until Princess Yvonne's seventh birthday that the King heard an offer that intrigued him. It wasn't from a man. It was from a woman, the Countess Elizabeth Bathory to be exact, who had arrived uninvited seemingly out of nowhere.
The Countess, introduced herself as a distant relative from the Kingdom of Hungary. She was widowed, childless and was extremely wealthy. "I have heard of your financial troubles, Your Majesty, and have come to end them. With my riches put to work, neither your people nor your subjects shall ever want for anything. All I ask in return is for your daughter Princess Yvonne to be placed in my ward and be taken to my homeland alone. Under my care, I shall raise her to be more royal than a Princess and fit for marriage to an emperor. She will then be heir to your kingdom, my wealth, and that of her future husband."
The King was pleased, "My gratitude to you, Countess, your generous offer is overwhelming, but my daughter has never been outside our kingdom. It would hurt my heart to send her so far away. However, to deny her the opportunity of a lifetime would be a crime. If my daughter consents, I will grant your request. What do you say, Yvonne?"
The Princess curtsied to the Countess, "My Lady, do not think I am ungrateful, I am flattered by your offer, but if I must go alone and leave behind all that I love, I cannot go. Please, Madame Countess, I am happy here."
The Countess smiled at the girl, "Very well, my child, I would never take you against your will. I shall leave in the early morning. My offer is still open should you change your mind before then." The festivities for the princess' birthday commenced. All the while, the Countess watched the Princess and her Jester like a hawk. At the end of the day, after the princess spoke privately with the Countess, the princess conceded, announcing with a smile to her parents and her jester, that she had changed her mind.
But the jester was unsatisfied, "Princess Yvonne, I know all your smiles better than anyone in the world and I know which ones are sincere and which are not. The smile that you wear today is not sincere. Please, don't go!"
"A jester should know his place," the Countess scoffed at the boy, "your princess is now an Imperial Highness and is too royal to speak to the likes of you. You are forbidden from speaking to her from this day forward."
The next day, Princess Yvonne left with Countess Bathory never to be heard from again. The boy tried in vain to follow them. They had simply disappeared without a trace.
Jester Pee-Wee, refused to give up hope. With the single clue that Princess Yvonne was somewhere in the kingdom of Hungary, he gathered what little belongings he had and swore on his life to find his princess no matter the cost. He knew he had a long way to go with very little means, but he kept searching for her, knowing in his heart that one day his efforts would not be in vain. And that is what he does to this very day.
...To Be Continued